I'm not crazy, just a little unwell

I haven't posted in a while *slaps wrist*. Life has gotton busier I guess also winter's coming ever faster and life gets harder when the cold weather hits. At the moment I've had a persistant cold for nearly a month now. Bloody things are a bitch to shake and when you do, your little sister comes home with one and gives it to you. I missed work yesterday because of it too, just a fabulous start to the season.

I have however gotton more maths done, nearly finished one of the booklets. Although graphing logorithms is amazingly boring. I need to write to my english teacher too, I sent away my stuff and still haven't recieved it back although it's been nearly a month. The wheels of beaurocracy and all I suppose.

My limbs are shaking, I'm nauseas and my head will implode. It really is times right like this that CFS is a terrible thing to have. You just want to die. God, I hope this passes quickly.

Twas Dad's birthday today and we went to 'Plaza India' an Indian (obviously XD) restaurant in town, that members of the family had been to and enjoyed. So we got there at six, having made a booking I might add. I will also add that when we'd been there before it had been quick, good food.

20 minutes after we were seated we were able to order our drinks, then had to wait 10 minutes for those in a quiet restaurant. Once we had ordered our food we had to wait an hour for it. Having got our entrees, a while after people who'd come after us had ordered I might add, we then waited an hour and a half for our mains. By this time at least four families had up and left; sick of waiting, I seriously can't say I blame them, it was some of the most inept service I'd ever seen and frankly I don't want to see it again any time soon.

I'm going to go crazy. Why do I always think it's a good idea to post in every single thread in a forum. I really shouldn't give a damn whether or not the threads have posts, if they aren't good enough to have people interested in them, it's not my problem.

Then why do I continue to post?

I've spent this morning and most of yesterday painting the new room in the house with my parents and now I know why the professionals ask so damn much for them to do it. It's friggin' hard work! My back aches, I've got a migraine from the smell and it was all I could do to fall into bed last night.

But everything's done, I'm covered in paint, ruined a tshirt that was Mums ^^" Luckily she didn't mind all that much and generally made myself look and feel like shit.

Ain't life just grand?

My keeper tells me to listen
To love and respect
He keeps me in this prison
And will till I accept

That one cannot fight
An invisible foe
That through day and through night
There'll be pain and woe

But I made myself promise
To pick up the sword
To fight the anonymous
Ahnd be prisoner no more

Though years it may take
And blood may be shed
A life I shall make
I'll no longer play dead

Just existing is a fate
I no longer shall see
And out of this state
I'll finally be free

Recently I discovered a site that is written by a woman who suffers from chronic fatigue. This is the kind of thing that personally I love to see, the idea that I'm not alone, that what I'm feeling isn't stupid or crazy but almost expected from this disease. That the psychological trauma that stems from this illness can be worse than the physical.

It's nice to be reminded that I'm not a quack, or some silly little girl who's begging for attention. It's nice to be reminded that life will go on, even if sometimes you wish it wouldn't.

It's nice to be reminded you aren't alone.

Living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Like going to sleep at 4:30pm without setting any alarm for say... 5:30pm. 'Cos one then finds themselves awake at 12am with no hope in hell of going to sleep. One then feels like kicking oneself.

Anyway. After I've gotton the whole power trippage that comes with talking about myaelf like that XD Gucci got herself bitten - again. It *is* day 3 and she doesn't seem to sick on it so I'm really hoping it means it's not infected otherwise Mum will just go through the freakin' roof.

Yep. This would be why I have no life.

An uncomfortable fact of life is that with chronic fatigue when you're actually having a good enough day to deal with these things called emotions, usually the only one that ever appears is absolute crabbiness.

In my defense my body just hurts. My head and neck and all those joints of mine. I am coming out of a cold though so that accounts for it. Doesn't make it any less painful. Just reasonable. My phantom pain has disappeared more now that I've been exercising more, the endorphins are working, even if it's only to a point.

I haven't really progressed as to my school work, though after posting this I'll be disappearing to complete my physics coursebook. 2nd one. Which is kinda pathetic, I'd been hoping to be up my fourth by now. Gotta get cracking. This weekend is chemistry experiments galore and tomorrow is my maths day. Now I have to figure out where to get some creative writing for english done and I'll at least have done something ^^

26%

Such randomness. Although I'm sure my friends will be happy.

So after one helluva hectic week, Friday has arrived. Thank bubbles. I'm typing this one helluva headache and drooping eyelids. But I coped. No sick days, school work happened as did exercise.

Lil bro, was off sick today which was a total case of sick my foot, but we did have fun. Watching him trying to life weights is really hilariously funny, he's got the coordination of a tree.

I got another doll finished which I am so pleased about. It's kinda old, I finished it a few days ago, but then I update about as often as Elvis must.

Base by DHF

----
Exercise: Check
Concentration: Check
School: Check
Work: Check.

I have just way to many windows up. Tis a crazy crazy thing. There's not a lot else to do however, since the weather is what we call 'absolutely shit' I hate winter.

I seriously need to update this thing more. Although it's getting better than my LJ. Not much to report, I've been managing work etc without a huge problem. I have a appointment with a specialist next week which is fantastic really, I thought I'd be waiting much longer than I was.

Why is it that sleeping is not a thing to come naturally to me. It's not that late really but tis the principle. I sleep therefore I am.

The title says it all really. Everything hurts, I'm exhausted without actually being able to sleep and I think my head may actually explode, 'cos fuck it feels like it will.

I still have work tomorrow, which while fun usually is gonna be such a bitch to do if I continue to feel like this.

On the dumber side of life: Gucci got bit again. I swear that cat is the dumbest animal on the planet. She doesn't know when not to try it on XD

This is going to my documentary of sorts, a chronical of my struggle to live a normal life free from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This is for me, concrete proof so that I know I'm not crazy, so I can see myself getting better.

I might as well start off how I want to end it; with my faith and sense of humour in tact. So here's a prayer which I repeat to myself every time life gets hard.

Lord,
Grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of doctors I shot when they said:
'You're perfectly healthy, it's all in your head.'